“Everytime you open your eyes I fall deeper in love with the story they tell.”
- Michael Faudet
Musician, Please Take Heed - Emily Browning
Her chest tightened like heavy stones were being placed on top of her. This is what punishment feels like she thought to herself. Her body felt like it was breaking, her bones weren’t going to support her anymore. All she wanted to do was let go of it all. The pain. The pressure. The headaches. The feelings. No one understood what she was going through and no one would bother trying to. This battle was hers, and hers alone. Her eyes opened slowly welcoming the darkness. All I need is one more fix.
Her body began to sweat as she pushed back the covers and she forced herself out of bed. Her legs felt heavy as she made her way to the bathroom and knelt down by the toilet. Her body heaved and out came the vomit into the porcelain bowl. God. It was disgusting, she wished the pain went with that. Everything hurt and she wanted it all to stop.
She crawled to the cabinet under the sink and searched for the box. Her heart pounded against her chest when it wasn’t there. A panicked feeling went through her as she savagely threw everything all over the bathroom floor. There was no sign of the box. No. No. No. Where was it? Where was the damn box! Her vision was becoming blurred and she felt like she couldn’t breathe as if someone was pushing her under water. She curled up on the cold tiles and shut her eyes. Why did he leave her? She knew she was supposed to hate him but her mind couldn’t come up with a solid excuse as to why. She gripped her shirt and stared at the wall.
This is what abandonment feels like. It was an ugly feeling and it didn’t make you think rationally. Her eyes were beginning to droop. She took a deep breath wishing it could be her last. But the exhale came and she was filled with disappointment. Her body lay still on the floor and that is where she stayed.
She loved him selflessly. Something she wasn’t used to. It scared her but once she allowed herself to let go it was the best feeling.